by Karly Tomasi
My dream that night was darker than black, something more vast and fluid. As I swam through the dark, a tinge of restless sleep curdled my vision of inky smoothness, but I couldn’t wake the sleeping raven beside me, so I simply ignored the discomfort. I let in the calm that teased at my brain, its tingling psychosis something I could no longer be without.
But suddenly and without warning, I awoke, an urgency for air slashing at my throat. I immediately recognized that I was not in the comfort of my soft and pillowy bed, and instead on a blanket-less mattress derived from the vary material of concrete. As I shot up out of bed, I found myself in a cell, utterly surrounded by darkness, a clear end to its once blissful significance.
…
Dehydration clawed at my insides, the painful hunger gripping at the craters of my malnourished features. There’ve been days where the pain urges my body to succumb to the inevitable, but the guards watch us captives closely. In Anima, we must be simultaneously living and dying, the light just ever so in our reach, but too far to truly embrace. At night we could hear the guards lurk outside our doors, proclaiming their disgust at our nature. “Demons, pure demons they are,” one would say. “Damned broken mages, why do we have to deal with the lot of them?” another would respond. The endless picture of a trashed, ruined fragment of time ran through my mind at the thought of my existence, their words leaving the continuous gulf of my spirit to die.
Luckily, I’m not entirely sure how he pulled it off, but Cody got to be the guard put on my patrol. As he approached my room, I could feel the warmth encompassing his demeanor, brightening the glint of my gaze ever so, the curls of his brown hair and freckles across his gentle features teasing the butterflies that fought to make their presence known. I watched as he walked over to my room, peeking in through the small window on my door with his sapphire eyes, a smile creeping onto my expression as his footsteps got louder.
The only person to not flinch away from my presence had been Cody. He had made it an effort to visit me anytime he could, bringing me smuggled bundles of lavender from the outside. The simple smell of their freedom and the kindness of his actions was enough to fuel my soul, and his nonchalant grace kept the nearly-extinguished light aflame within me, allowing me to stay on for just a little bit longer. Cody wanted me free too, maybe feeling even more passionately about it than I did.
As he peered into the room, a fresh bundle of lavender in his hand, his eyebrows took on a surprised arc as his eyes widened at the sight of the wall.
“That’s quite impressive, Maeve.”
My eyes followed the direction of his glance, the damaged wall showing a clear crack down the middle. My dream the previous night was the culprit, as its nature sent the roaring force of my magic directly to my fist, the wall its victim. The wall usually took the force of my nightly wraths, my dreams fueling the delirious desire to break free as my teeth would grit against the pain soaring through my hands and up to my arms and shoulders.
Last night, however, the dream was more volatile, endangering my subconscious. Within it, a raven stood directly in front of me, staring into my eyes as if they could peer through my soul, seeing something that I did not. Confusion rang throughout me, a blank stare the only thing that I could muster. After a while, the crow turned her head to the right, a shriek bellowing out from within. In that act, I turned to look where she had and saw my stepfather. He simply stood there, his usual grim yet completely blank expression strewn about his features. I began to shake violently at the sight of him, my eyes turning entirely black. Just as my fear was reaching its limit, I woke up and saw that I was already out of my bed and towards the back wall of my room. As my eyes focused, what stood before me was a large crack down one of the cement walls, which are usually guarded from broken magic. A once-hidden sense of knowing stirred awake in my gut, a change clinging to the air I breathed.
In recounting the event, my eyes rolled almost involuntarily at Cody’s comment. “Please spare me from the lecture, I think I’ve had enough today.”
He raised his hands in sarcastic banter. “Hey, do you really think I would lecture you? Please, I know it wouldn’t do anything anyways.” A smirk grew on his face at the thought, a chuckle forced out of me at the sight. “Can I come in?”
I nodded, peering behind him through the window of the door to make sure no one else was coming. He shut the door quietly behind him, placing the lavender at the table beside my bed and sitting beside me. A discomfort marked his usually-blasé air as he tried to get comfortable. “I’m sorry they make you live like this. I would do something about it if I could.”
“I know,” I returned with a sigh, “It’s not your fault, don’t worry about me.”
“But how could I not, Maeve? Especially after this morning.” His eyes darted between mine, the worry of a true friend lacing his words. My heart swelled at the thought, a lump forming at my throat. “I’m worried about you. I . . . I don’t know how much longer you’ll last in this place.”
After the . . . incident, I was placed on high alert. Already, I could barely leave this room of blank grey, a dark canvas with spirts of lighter grey as the flimsy bed and barred windows partook in their role in the horrific portrait of my dwelling. Now with the extra attention, there existed little to no chance for me to have seen anything but this greyish void. Cody was clearly worried about that factor, a hint of ruth lining his speech.
I moved myself closer to him as I placed a hand on his shoulder, noticing the glossy sheen that blanketed his eyes. “You can’t worry about me, it’s clearly too late. I mean look at me, I’m nothing but skin and fucking bones—“
“Have you felt any different since this morning?” he cut in, clearly lost in thought.
“I-I don’t understand what-“
He turned to face me, grasping my hands in his as he peered into my soul. “I mean, when you saw the crack you made in that wall, did anything . . . wake up inside?”
I recalled the sight and the deeply gutted assurance of something I couldn’t quite make out. I nodded to him slowly, unsure of where he was going with this.
His grip got tighter around my hands, an urgency flowing through their touch. “I think you should fully unleash your magic. Don’t hold back, don’t let the fear that these assholes instill in you swallow you up. You need to do this,“ he paused in his tangent and swallowed, as if readying himself for something bad, “tonight.”
Everyone in my life had made me feel like an object of pure destruction, and perhaps they had cause. Everything I touch decomposes as if time is at my fingertips. With the slight caress of my hand, the ornate wallpaper of a living room would begin to peel and flake. With the poke of my finger, the bowl of strawberries on a kitchen table quickly mold and turn to mush. Why on Earth anyone would’ve ever wanted to see my powers in full effect was beyond me, and the simple thought of such aroused a great fear within, something that I was nowhere near prepared to bear witness to. “You can’t be serious.”
“Oh, but I am.” His tone changed into something more determined, his hands shaking amidst their grip with my own. “Listen, I don’t think that I’ll be able—“
The clanking of a guard’s keychain startled us both as he abruptly released the grasp he had on my hands and quickly stood up. In nearing the door, a hesitancy clung to his walk, and just before opening it, he turned to look at me, our eyes melding together with intent. He nodded once, mouthing the word tonight to me, then closed the door.
…
A distinct fear embraced by the arms of eagerness swelled within me as the day went on. I had felt similarly to the anticipation one feels before a big performance, the nervousness yet determination to get everything right, fighting each other to the death. My swift yet telling conversation with Cody only added to the knots in my stomach. But the time was here, even with the windows covered, the intense darkness of night here seeped the captives’ rooms into an even deeper chasm.
I went back to the wall that recognized the sight of my fist as I began to focus my collective emotions into the present. I could feel the anger, frustration, and sadness that the previous night’s dream planted in me, the reminder of why I’m here, who put me here. My body shook violently against the swelling magic gathering in my limbs, the brunt of it all at my hands. A bluish glow emitted from them, reflecting brightly back into my eyes. The pierce of light nearly blinded me as I suddenly struck the wall once. To my astonishment, that’s all that it took for the building to begin shaking, the sound of crumbling cement clear as my vision restored. As I turned my attention to the door, my eyes widened as the solid iron holding us in our rooms simply decayed in a pile of rust and rot right before me. As my panic glued my feet to the shaking floor, familiar but rushed footsteps approached my room.
Cody hurried in, quickly embracing me. “I knew you were too good for this place.” He let go to look at me, searching for my thoughts. His grin grew as he noticed the one that encompassed my features. He quickly looked around and urged me towards the door, his hand in mine. “We need to go. Now.”
We began our hurried trek through the halls, the eyes wandering around the place I’d been confined to for so long, my first glance at the walls outside of my own room. I noticed the familiar grey cement of my room continuing throughout the entire building, their once sound structure decaying right before our eyes. As we ran past other rooms, I couldn’t help but peer into them with wonder. Something about them was strange, though, a tinge of confused apprehension strangling my gut. They were empty, no beds, no curtains, as if they had never been occupied. But in the next moment, my mind faltered greatly, a hinge rusting into cessation as my eyes moved to the name plates above the doors, only to find my own name engraved in each one.
“Why are you slowing down, we have to go!” Cody’s voice broke my train of thought as I quickened my pace, not giving myself the time to embrace the panic urging its way out of me. We continued down the halls and reached a staircase, but it crumbled as Cody placed his foot on the first step.
He turned to me, his eyes brimmed with tears and finality. “Here, I’ll let you down first.”
He let me down the chasm forming where there once were stairs, squeezing my hand slightly before he let go. I looked up to him from the bottom, my hand still reaching out. He just simply stared at me, tears streaming his knowing face.
“Goodbye, Maeve.”
“Wait, wha—“
Cody quickly turned away, back towards the loud crumbling that had been following us as we ran through the halls. My weeping became uncontrollable as I stood in shock, but knew I needed to keep going, and not just for me this time.
Tears continued to fall to the ruined floor beneath my feet as I made my way towards the giant iron doors that still somehow held. My heels pounded on the crumbling floor as I reached closer. The crumbling behind me grew louder as the brightness protruding from the door nearly blinded my already-melting eyes. With closed eyes, I sprinted the rest of the way and finally made my way out the door, reaching the outside for the first time in what seemed like an eternity.
The first thing I remembered was the feel of grass beneath my feet. So soft, the ticklish feeling I remembered as a child. My tears were battling one another, fighting between sadness and joy.
I ran out farther to take in the scene, a wash of awe clearing my eyes for the very first time. Anima was so grey, so ghostly and disturbed, but the land that held it . . . was magnificent.
As I took in the beauty before me with teary longing, the rumbling of Anima grew more violent. I quickly turned towards the noise as a deeply rooted scream escaped from somewhere far off, the pain it held within filling the air with desperation. This was the final straw for Anima, as it sent the prison to its crumbling destiny, becoming nothing but rocks and rubble.
A known force lifted its burdened hands off my shoulders, the slight feeling of its fingertips lingering ever so. The days of grey and isolation felt gone, a sudden sense of calm enveloping my breath. But I couldn’t help but feel a rise of suspicion climb up my spine, an all-too-well knowing of reality clinging to my likeness. But my thoughts of wariness were plucked suddenly from my conscious as a familiar silhouette stood from afar.
At my mind’s realization, my legs suddenly pounded against the soft grass, sprinting with a mind of their own. I surged with the feeling of urgency, its affect swarming around me, in the air and on the petals of lavender that brushed my ankles. My energy dwindled, though, as the figure of my mother became clearer, my pace slowing with dread as the image came into view.
A raven sat atop her shoulder, proclaiming a reminder of its permanence:
“The rust and rot beckons you evermore. You must learn to live with me.”
I collapsed onto the soft grass, the truth of its words walloping the lump at my throat, tears streaming to the Earth. The struggle of passing days would always clutch at my mind, even without the walls of Anima closing me in.
Though consciously distant, the memories haunt me still, their ghost lurking in the shadow of my existence.
Category: Featured, Fiction, SNHU Student